


you wanna turn your back on your soulless days

by CosmoKid



Series: that was the river (this is the sea) [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anti-Clarke Griffin, Attempt at Humor, Episode: s06e02 Red Sun Rising, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: “It’s the Eclipse,” Clarke says and Echo leans forward, resting her chin on her hands. “It makes the plants release a toxin that affects our nervous system.”“Great,” Miller says. She doesn’t turn to look at him, keeps her eyes on Jackson and Murphy. “Day one of being on a new planet and it’s already hell.”“Why hasn’t it affected the rest of us yet? Why Emori first?” Shaw asks, his eyes flitting around the room.a different take on s06e02





	you wanna turn your back on your soulless days

**Author's Note:**

> oof this was weird to write

_Echo_

“It’s the Eclipse,” Clarke says and Echo leans forward, resting her chin on her hands. “It makes the plants release a toxin that affects our nervous system.”

“Great,” Miller says. She doesn’t turn to look at him, keeps her eyes on Jackson and Murphy. “Day one of being on a new planet and it’s already hell.”

“Why hasn’t it affected the rest of us yet? Why Emori first?” Shaw asks, his eyes flitting around the room.

Echo bites her lip, considering her words carefully before she starts to speak, “If it is the plants, wouldn’t Shaw have been affected first? He fell into all the bushes when we were running away from the swarm.”

“Coming into contact with it more doesn’t necessarily mean he would have ingested the most,” Clarke tells her.

Really, she’s pretty sure that it doesn’t mean that, but she’s learned over the years that arguing with Clarke when she thinks she’s right doesn’t lead to anything productive. She rolls her eyes instead, catching Murphy’s gaze. The corners of his mouth turn up a little, giving her a small smile.

“We should figure out how the toxin is ingested,” Clarke says when no one else speaks. “If we know that, we might be able to stop the effects.”

“Focussing on keeping ourselves sa-” Echo starts to say, but she’s cut off by Jackson who turns away from bandaging Murphy’s side for a few seconds to look at the rest of them.

“We can probably check off it being linked with the blood because if it was, Murphy should have been the first to be affected,” Jackson says, his voice firm. She blinks, not used to hearing him sound so sure of himself. He seems to be in his element here. “Although it would make more sense if it traveled in the blood because that would explain why it’s taken so long for us to see the effects of it. If it affected the brain directly, it should have happened much quicker.”

“What if it affects neurotransmission indirectly?” Clarke asks, her voice louder now. 

Echo has to wonder if Clarke is aware of it. Every time someone sounds like they’re leading the conversation, she immediately tries to take control again, speaking louder and adjusting her posture. It’s infuriating to watch, but she’s not sure Clarke even knows about it.

“Unless it’s slowing down action potentials and actual transmission, it still shouldn’t have taken this long,” Jackson says, shaking his head.

Clarke sighs. “Maybe it affects something else then, there’s more to the brain than just neurotransmission.”

“What else would it affect? The blood-brain-barrier? Hormone levels? Almost everything that happens in the brain occurs way quicker than makes sense with how long it took for the effects to show up.”

“Well, there has to be an explanation. It’s not magic. It’s science, Jackson, you know this.”

“Without studying it directly, I can’t-”

“Emori is in the hut over, you can study it directly.”

“Do you see an fMRI scanner anywhere around here? I can’t study her brain just by looking-”

“Why does any of that matter?” Murphy interrupts, his voice croaky. “If Emori ingested it, then the rest of us have. We should focus on keeping ourselves safe so none of us kill one another now.”

Clarke scoffs and Echo has an urge to just slap her. “If we can figure out how it works, we could stop the effects now.”

“Yeah, good luck with that when you go crazy and try to kill everyone you love,” Murphy drawls, rolling his eyes. “Then again, it’s not like you love anyone other than yourself so maybe crazy Clarke is the only Clarke we’re safe around.”

“Murphy,” Bellamy says in a warning tone, but his voice waivers.

“He’s right,” Shaw speaks up, pushing himself up to his feet. “We need to focus on not killing one another now, we can figure out how it all works later.”

As she expected, Clarke immediately disagrees, giving the same argument again. Echo sighs and crosses the room to crouch down next to Murphy in an attempt to drown it all out, “Hey you. How does it feel to be the first one to get stabbed on the new planet?”

He snorts and rolls his eyes. “It’s an honor really, I need to give thanks to my Mother for birthing me so I would have this opportunity.”

“Birthing? That’s the word you’re going with?” she asks, raising her eyebrows. 

“Yep,” he says, looking a little smug. She grins, it’s nice when she can see that the Murphy she bonded with on the ring is still in there despite it all. “It’s the most holistic word I can think of and only takes a second to say it.”

“Whatever you say, Murphy, keep believing that.”

“What? It is the best word for it. You’re just a fool for not seeing it.”

“Oka-” she starts to say, but she’s interrupted again. She sighs, turning to Clarke as she speaks.

“Are you two done? We need to figure out what we’re doing now.”

Murphy snorts, leaning forward. She reaches out to balance him when he grimaces. “We have tranquilizers. Why don’t we just knock ourselves out until the eclipse is over?”

“We don’t learn anything that way,” Clarke says, dismissing his suggestion immediately. Echo huffs, feeling anger burn in her veins again. She’s so tired of watching Clarke dismiss everything Murphy says as if he’s useless. "If it turns out that it only afffects some of us, we need to be aware to know that."

“What does that matter?” she asks, glaring at Clarke as she struggles to keep her voice calm. “We don’t learn anything if we all kill each other.”

“If we don’t learn anything, we’ll be clueless next time around.”

“I’d rather be clueless than all of us die in a massacre!”

“That’s what she wants,” Murphy mutters next to her, his voice resigned. “She knows how to massacre people, remember? Commander of Death and her trail of bodies.”

“Why don’t we vote?” Bellamy suggests, his voice tight. “No one here has more power than anyone else. We’ll have a vote.”

“With what other option?” Shaw asks. She bites her lip, happy to know that it won’t just be Bell trying to keep the peace, but feeling a little guilty for not being that helpful to him. “We can’t just all stay in this room if we do decide against Murphy’s plan.”

“The other houses all have shackles in them, we’ll lock ourselves up in small groups, each of us with a tranquilizer as a back-up plan,” Bellamy says, glancing around the room. It’s clear he’s nervous.

“Okay,” Shaw says and nods. “All for Murphy’s plan?”

She’s surprised when only her, Murphy and Shaw raise their hands. She swallows, glancing at Bellamy while Murphy sighs next to her, “Guess that’s settled then. You win again, Wanheda. Try not to kill us all this time, will you?”

Clarke sighs and crosses her arm. “Okay, who stays with Emori?”

“I will,” Echo volunteers, rolling her eyes when she gets a few confused glances. “I’m the best fighter we have so if somehow it is only Emori who’s affected, I’ve got the best chance of fighting her off. Plus, she probably trusts me more than anyone else here.”

“Right,” Clarke says before anyone else can speak. “The rest of us should split into two groups of three.”

“Does she realize she’s not in charge here?” Murphy mutters next to her. Echo glances at him and reaches to grip his hand. 

“I don’t think that thought has ever crossed her mind in her life.”

 

_Murphy_

“Why,” he starts, playing with the chain around his neck, “Do I always end up tied up? Especially when I’m around you?”

“Murphy,” Bellamy says, giving him a warning glance.

He snorts, ever the peacekeeper. “What? It’s true. First, she gets me hanged, forcing your hand to do it. What else? Oh yeah, when you tied me and Emori up so you could use her for your fucked up experiment so you can be the savior of humanity again. You drew a pretty little picture of that one, didn’t you? Must be a nice memory, me begging you not to kill her. And let’s not forget that time I got tied up and tortured by that creepy guy because of you. I didn’t even tell him anything about you, you know? That doesn’t matter, I guess, since you still left me in Polis when you were off saving the world again.”

She doesn’t reply at first, no one does. A heavy silence falls upon them until Clarke lets out a heavy sigh. “I _had_ to do that. If I hadn’t, Ontari would have killed everyone in Arkadia. I didn’t want to do that.”

“Yeah, I totally believe that,” he says, rolling his eyes and leaning against the wall. “I bet you didn’t even remember. Not that I blame you, I imagine the air’s pretty thin up there considering how high of a horse you’re on. It’s probably really difficult to think about anything but yourself, especially with your head that far up your own ass.”

“That’s enough, Murphy,” Bellamy tells him even though he doesn’t sound that bothered. “Don’t make me gag you as well.”

He grins, batting his eyelashes at Bellamy mockingly. “Oh, please do, Daddy, will you choke me too or is that her job, not yours?”

Ironically, it’s Bellamy who chokes when he says it, on his own spit, clearly shocked. It takes a few seconds for him to compose himself. “I’m the one who kicked the crate out, not Clarke.”

“Yeah, after she forced your hand by accusing me in front of the whole camp based on the fact that she found a knife with my initials on it near Wells’ fingers which is clearly concrete proof and not a crock of bullshit,” he says and raises his eyebrows at Bellamy, almost daring him to argue. He doesn’t. “Anyway, I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about that time Clarke left me in Polis and Ontari put a collar around my neck and dragged me along with a chain like I was a dog.”

“I didn’t want to do that, Murphy,” Clarke says, sounding more annoyed than apologetic, as he expected. “If I could go back, I’d do it differently, but I can’t. None of us can change the past.”

“Just because you didn’t want to do it doesn’t mean you didn’t do it, _Princess_ ,” he bites out, glaring at the ground. His throat is getting tighter and it’s starting to hurt to breathe. He blinks, trying to force himself to breathe. 

“And I’ve already apologized for it, I don’t know what you want from me, Murphy.”

“You realize that you apologizing doesn’t mean I have to automatically forgive you, right? Not that your apologies have been actual apologies.”

“It’s not fair to keep blaming me for that,” Clarke tells him and hearing those words feel like thousands of blades slicing into his skin all at once. “We all did things we’re not proud of before Praimfaya. You need to let it go.”

“Let it go? You want me to let it go?” he asks incredulously, feeling sick to his stomach when she nods. He takes a deep breath, trying to even out his erratic breathing somehow. “You think it’s easy, don’t you? To let it go? Yeah, well, you try-, y-you try being… being raped and letting it go easily. It’s not that fucking simple.”

It shuts her up, but that’s not any better than her being insufferable. He can barely breathe, he can barely focus and he knows it’s not the toxin doing that. It’s his own broken brain.

“Murphy,” Bellamy says in a quiet voice. He turns to look at Bellamy who looks like he wants to cross the room to hug him. “Are you-, what?”

“Yeah, Ontari didn’t really care much about consent and I wasn’t in a position to say no,” he mutters, chewing on his lip. He drags a hand down in his face and breathes out. 

“Oh God, Murphy-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says quickly, the words falling out of his mouth as he interrupts Bellamy. He glares down at his feet. “I don’t want to talk anymore, I’m done.”

Apparently, Clarke doesn’t get that message because there’s not even a second of silence before Clarke speaks again, “What do you want from me, Murphy? You want me to admit that no matter what I do, people get hurt. That when I’m in charge, people die. What do you want? I’ve already apologized, what else can I do?”

“You haven’t apologized,” he snaps, glaring at her. Anger is coursing through his vein, his blood boiling with rage. “You don’t ever apologize, you give excuses and say you’ll change and then never do. You blame us for it, you say that you can’t go back and do it different and you tell us that none of us can. It’s always about how you’re not the only one who made a mistake, you always want to be a victim.”

“That’s not true,” Clarke says in a hollow voice.

He scoffs. “Sure, whatever you say, Wanheda, I should just bow down to you, shouldn’t I? Agree with everything you say? That’s what you want, right? You want us to forgive you because you said sorry... You act like you’ve changed since we were first sent to the Ground, but you haven’t. You’re the same damn Princess you were the second we left the dropship.”

She doesn’t reply then and he takes it as an invitation to carry on, speaking so fast it’s like the words will burn his tongue if he stops for a millisecond, “You expect us to still trust you, but everyone here knows that we’re expendable to you. You were fine with Bellamy dying in the fighting pit, you were happy for Raven to be tortured, you were happy to kill Echo, you’re happy for all of us to suffer as long as you win, right? For the greater good? We do terrible things and then we can get our humanity back when we’re safe. And then you don’t change, you do it all over aga-”

A scream sounds out, interrupting him. He blinks and his gaze softens.

“Miller!” Bellamy calls out, scrambling up to his feet the best he can with the restraints. “Miller, are you okay? What’s happening?”

There’s no answer beyond more screaming and shouting, and then a loud bang. Bellamy calls out again, “Miller! Jackson! What’s going on?”

“Miller!” Clarke yells. 

“Guys? What’s happening? Miller?”

“Jackson? Are you okay?”

“Give me my keys,” Bellamy yells to Clarke. She hesitates. “Give me the key, they need help!”

His eyes flicker between them, there’s something in their eyes. He watches a bead of sweat trickle down Bellamy’s forehead. Clarke’s hand scramble at nothing on the ground.  
He blinks. He’s not safe here. 

Slowly, he moves his hand to grip on a scrap piece of metal he found earlier, bringing it up to the lock. He needs to get out of here before they kill him.

 

_Bellamy_

“Murphy?” Clarke asks, pushing into the room. 

He stares, his eyes going in and out of focus. “He’s gone.”

“So are the guns,” she says. His eyes bug out and he tries to breathe. “We need to find him.”

“ _Murphy_.”

 

_Murphy_

He grips the gun tight in his hand, leaning against the wall. The only sound is Bellamy and Clarke calling out his name. They sound crazed, like rabid animals.

Yet it takes all his self-control to not run to Bellamy. It’s just instinct. Bellamy is safe, Bellamy is home. But this Bellamy isn’t, this Bellamy is danger. This Bellamy is death.

“You’re okay,” he mutters to himself, hugging the gun to his chest. He takes a deep breath. “You’re okay, they’re all crazy, you’re okay.”

 

_Bellamy_

Murphy. He needs to find Murphy. He needs to protect him. He needs to protect Murphy. 

He shakes his head and wipes sweat from his brow. He feels like he can’t control his own limbs. He blinks. “Murphy! Where are you? Murphy, please! Just bring the guns back, it’s okay.”

Clarke stumbles to stand next to him. “Murphy!”

“Bellamy?”

 _Echo_. His head whips to the side, that’s Echo’s voice. He stumbles forward.

 

_Echo_

“Bellamy? What’s going on?” she calls out, her eyes flickering between the door and Emori. “Why aren’t you in the hut?”

“Echo!” Bellamy says. She tenses; he doesn’t sound right. “I need your tranquiliser! Murphy got out, he’s got the guns.”

She breathes out, that’s doesn’t sound right either. None of this sounds right. “Why can’t you just use your own, Bell?”

“We used ours on Miller and Jackson,” he says, sounding a little more like himself. She nods. “Open the door, Echo! Open it!”

“Don’t open it!”

She blinks. She turns to look at Emori, she looks worse now. 

“He’ll kill you! That’s what he does! He’ll kill you! Don’t open it!”

“Open the door, Echo! Let me in!”

“Don’t do it!”

“Echo!”

“You’re going to open it, aren’t you? Follow the instructions, be a good little spy. That’s all you are.”

“Open the door, Echo! I’m not going to hurt you!”

“Go on, be his good little bitch.”

“Echo! Open the door! I need your help!”

“Oh, he needs you, does he? He’s lying to you, Echo. They’re all lying!”

“Open the door!”

She takes a deep breath, reaches for her tranquiliser and stabs it into her own arm, letting the darkness overtake her.

 

_Bellamy_

“The toxin is affecting you, Bellamy,” Clarke says behind her, reaching out to grab him. “Come on, we need to find Murphy.”

“No,” he snaps, turning around to glare at her. “ _I_ need to find Murphy, you’ll just hurt him. That’s all you do. You need to go back to the hut before you hurt someone else.”

“Bell, you nee-”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Bellamy, stop!”

He pushes her aside, his feet moving forward of their own accord. He needs to find Murphy.

 

_Bellamy_

Murphy. He needs to find him. 

He needs to find Murphy.

 

_Bellamy_

He needs to protect Murphy, needs to keep him safe. He can’t get hurt again, he can’t. He’s been hurt enough. He can’t let him get hurt again, not again, never again.

 

_Bellamy_

Echo.

He needs to… he needs to protect her. Where is she? Echo?

 

_Bellamy_

Family, he needs to protect his family.

Murphy. Echo. Raven. Family.

He needs to protect them, his family. Emori. Monty.

Monty… Monty and Harper.

He couldn’t protect them, he needs to protect everyone else. His family. They need to be kept safe, he can do that. _Safe_.

 

_Bellamy_

“Murphy! Where are you? Murphy!”

 

_Bellamy_

Needs to keep them safe, all of them.

Safe.

 

_Bellamy_

Family. _Family._

 

_Murphy_

He takes a deep breath before walking out into the open, his grip on the gun loosened. “Hey, Bell.”

“Murphy,” Bellamy calls out, spinning around. Murphy can see how crazed his eyes are. He swallows and dramatically waves to Bell. 

“So here we are, two guys on an alien planet, ingesting a toxin that makes us attack everyone we love,” he says before he moves to put his gun on the ground and step over it. “I’m a little offended, really, Bell. Thought we had something here, but you haven’t attacked me yet.”

Bellamy shakes his head, his eyes flickering around the entire area. “John Murphy, court jester.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Beats useless.”

“You’re not useless, Murphy.”

“We’ve had this conversation before, Bell, do we need to hash this out again?” he asks, throwing his hands out and shrugs. Bellamy stares at him, his eyes getting wider as he stumbles toward Murphy. He nods and reaches into his pocket, gripping the tranquilizer. “How about this instead? You agree not to attack me and we talk it out. That sound good with you, Blake?”

“Murphy,” Bellamy growls and then he lunges. Murphy jumps to the side, barely able to avoid Bellamy’s gigantic hands. He grabs onto the syringe and stabs it into Bellamy’s arm, falling back onto the ground as he does it. He’s so tired.

 

_Bellamy_

The corners of his vision are turning black, everything’s getting darker. He falls to his knees. “ _Murphy_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
>  
> 
> come cry with me on [tumblr](https://listen-to-the-inner-walrus.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
